“The authentic self is soul made visible”
Sarah Ban Breathnach
Did you know that most of us go through life without ever getting in touch with our authentic self? On the surface of it there is absolutely nothing wrong with this and many millions seem to live successful and happy lives nonetheless. But is it possible to be truly happy if you don’t know who you are? Can you really enjoy the fruits of success if you don’t really know what is that you want?
As we hurtle through life from one milestone to the next, it seems that we always belong to someone else. First of all we are somebody’s child; then maybe a student, a friend, an employee, partner, parent, grandparent. Sometimes we get so immersed in whatever role we are living that we may forget to listen to the whisperings of our own soul.
We run ourselves ragged trying to be all things to all people as we aim for accomplishing as much as we can externally. We want to have a nice house, nice car, nice kids going to nice schools, nice holidays and a million other niceties of life…so much so that we eventually find that we’ve devoted our entire lives to a four letter word! Is this when the penny drops for us and we realise the futility of it all and run away to join a buddhist monastery in Burma in order to find our lost selves? Not at all!
“Everything will line up perfectly when knowing and living the truth becomes more important than looking good” Alan Cohen
The majority of us will thrash the hell out of the futile tank until the day we grind to a halt…fuel guage firmly on empty. I know this because I was that soldier! (No…I don’t mean dead silly!) Eventually I gave in and limped into my Doctor, battle weary, chewed up and unceremoniously spat out by life.
“You just need to be true to yourself,” he said when I had finished wailing about not knowing who I was anymore. I had heard those words and even quoted them to others many times before…but somehow I had forgotten how to live them.
This dilemma is a lot more prevalent than you may think. In western culture the measure of success is undoubtedly based on what we ‘do’ as opposed to who we ‘are’. We were all born to be true to ourselves, and for the first few years of life we were gloriously immune to anyone else’s life rules. If we were happy we gurgled and chuckled spontaneously; when we needed to be fed or sleep we cried, and if anyone ever tried to interfere with the natural flow of our lives we threw a massive tantrum. However, we soon learnt the rules and manners of society which, after all, is what is supposed to separate us from the animals in the fields.
But along with the essential ‘we need to take this on board for the overall survival of the species’ type of stuff which I have no quibbles with, we ingested a load of other societal norms as to the way we should live our lives. Yes! Being human means we have to interact with others, and often that entails some kind of compromise. But remember in compromising what you do or how you behave that you don’t make the mistake of compromising who you Are!
Many of us who were more drawn to inner happiness and serenity in our youth still got caught up in the normality of finding a secure job, and a partner and before we knew what had hit us we were living in a nice house, in a nice estate in suburbia with a NICE mortgage. We knew that we’d gotten caught in the society net but afterall that was the culture of where we lived. We still hoped in our hearts that once we ‘had it all’ happiness and serenity would automatically follow. That’s when we discovered that we’d hitched the cart up in front of the horse! If we had been true to ourselves and flowed with the natural current, the one that our soul kept tugging us towards, we would have found inner peace. Then the rest would have followed as night after day.
But now all around us things are changing. Life, as it had been evolving since the industrial revolution, has started unravelling on a worldwide scale. It appears that our priorities, our goals and our accomplishments have neither benefited humankind in general, the animals we share our world with, nor our planet. Economies are coming asunder and jobs are becoming rare…particularly the much maligned 9 to 5 ‘jobs for life’. Are we celebrating…or are we afraid?
Our descendants for many generations to come will pay the price for our way of life, but do we have the courage to watch our children live authentic lives? When our own sons and daughters tell us that they are going to travel the planet like the pioneering adventurer/technomads Chris Guilleabeau and Everett Bogue or take to the seas in small boats to confront the giant corporation monsters that we allowed to breed, will we be genuinely proud of them and wish them bon voyage? Or will we let our fears win again by begging them to settle down with a nice partner, and a nice job and have some nice grandchildren, in a nice safe town…somewhere not too far away?
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I’d love to hear your thoughts on this one! Do you think you’ll feel happy for your own children when they decide to follow their authentic path in life…even if it makes you fearful for them?
{ 39 comments… read them below or add one }
Great post, Rosemary. On the one hand, I know exactly what you mean, on a personal level, since I too have tried to “do” instead of “be.” If I had my way I wouldn’t work; I’d just travel around or something lol (I’ve done plenty of that much to the dismay of my basically non-existent savings account lol).
Thing is (for me, anyway), doing stuff is kind of required. I mean work, in one way or another, and going with the flow and all that. And I have a house in the suburbs and a nice mortgage. Long story why I have that house but it has to do with a love of gardening plus having grown up in the country I just enjoy being around a bit of nature and not feeling crowded; as much as I love the city it’s hard for me to live there, which I’ve done. Plus two dogs–easier to have a yard for them. Sometimes I question it, though, and if the work involved is worth it (I’ve had a lot of changes in my life in recent years and have only had this house for a few).
What is an authentic path? One thing, for me, is that I can’t do anything that’s not true for me. Much of that means rejecting a lot of status quo stuff, house and mortgage aside. I can’t do anything if it’s not “right” for me somehow or doesn’t fit with my standards or ethics or beliefs and whatever. I couldn’t possibly ever do anything just because that’s what’s done, and I wouldn’t want that for anyone.
Sometimes the nice safe job and the nice partner etc sounds pretty good though. A safe town isn’t a bad thing either, having lived where gun shots are common (there’s crime everywhere though). Plus freelancing and all the stuff I do on my own isn’t very easy! Can’t imagine doing anything else though
Hey Leah, Like everything else there’s a balance and finding that in our own lives is Nirvana! I also have the house for the family, with the big garden for the dogs and am trying to make a living working from home. Sometimes I think I would love to downsize and travel the world but it won’t be for another six years or more as my youngest is only thirteen. One part of me wants to keep the big house with the home fires burning so that my children will always have somewhere warm and safe to return to from their travels and hopefully lives of more freedom than my generation had. But on the other hand I also want the adventures that I didn’t have when younger because I had the big, safe job. I wonder if this generation of vagabond children will find their children, scurrying home to nice safe homes in suburbia. Who knows what the future holds. Thanks for dropping by…great to welcome you here!
I’ve sometime catching up on some of your posts, Rosemary. I love the questions you raise. It’s so true about us very often not being authentic. Seems so silly – because in the long run it costs us more not to be ourselves…..I wonder why I ran and hid from being ‘me’ for so long….Now most often, I succeed at being ‘real’ but sometimes I do lapse in to hiding and running……Thank you for reminding me of this.
Hey Corinne, lovely to see you again! You are right…if we are honest then we will admit that we all lapse into ‘hiding and running’ from ourselves at times. Knowing that is a real sign that you are living authentically! Thanks for your comment
This was fascinating Rosemary! Up until recent, I wasn’t even familiar with the phrase “authentic self”. Following Rob White’s blog has taught me a lot around this subject and I’m continually trying to learn more. This particular post was great to see another perspective to the “authentic self”…furthering my understanding, allows me the agency to get closer to that part of me. Thank you for sharing. You’re a gem!
It’s lovely to see you here again J.K. Just because you weren’t familiar with the phrase doesn’t mean that you weren’t already living authentically. In fact from the little I know of you I would say that you are probably a naturally confident person and that is why it never occurred to you to live any other way.
Hi Rosemary
I have no problem with my girls (19 and 26) being their authentic selves but sometimes they have problems with me being my authentic self. I think the trick is to be able to share my authentic self with them in a non-confronting and non-judgmental way. It isn’t always easy however.
Hey Deb, That is a really interesting point of view and a whole other post. So far my older teenagers love the idea of me being my authentic self but maybe they’ll think differently when the time comes for me to take off and travel the world. Children often feel threatened by change around their parents lives. But I know what you mean…it has to work both ways and we need to make it clear to our children that we haven’t given up on our own lives. Thanks for dropping by Deb…great to see you here!
I think being true to my self comes from being an Entrepreneur since I was a wee bit old. So i know at the end of the day no matter what happens I will reach my dreams. ( chest pump out like super man) It’s only a matter of time. Only a matter of time. Great post rosemary, staying true to ourselves is the best thing we could have ever done.
P:S, Your staying true to yourself by working on your online dream of having your own blog. How was your thanks giving? If you don’t mind me asking.
Jonathan…you are an authentically unique beautiful person and pity there aren’t more of you around…that would make the world a really fun place! I can’t wait until you ‘reach your dreams’ because I know that as soon as you get there the sky will be the limit for you. BTW I live in Ireland so no Thanksgiving celebration for us but Christmas season is kicking in big time now. It’s even snowing quite heavily for Ireland! Yipeee! Thanks for dropping in my NY friend
Thanks, Rosemary, for a thought-provoking article. I think I’ve found many ways to live my “authentic self”–to simply be. But there remain times when I duck and hide, afraid to be “seen” by others. I think this points to the fear, vulnerability, and uncertainty that I sometimes feel. But learning to love myself, accept myself, and take care of myself are all part of this journey I call Life!
Thanks for sharing your experiences and insight!
Welcome to Offbeat Woman Ami…delighted to see you hear! I also duck and hide and am afraid to express my ‘authenticity’ at times for fear of being ‘found out’ or found lacking in some terrible way that I’m not even aware of. I think we all hold a part of ourselves in reserve ‘just in case’ and you know what…if we pinpoint the parts that we hide we will probably find our greatest creative talents! Thank you for your honesty as always!
thank you for this inspiring post
Great to see you here Farouk…thanks for dropping by!
It’s impossible to have this discussion without mentioning self-esteem.
If everyone had high self esteem the world would be a better place. Mistakenly, many look on high self-esteem as brash, yankie and immature…..”Sure who does that fella think he is?” How many times have you heard that?
Decades of institutionalised, constitutionalised, self esteem bashing has left a country with a serious self-esteem deficit .
Low self esteem equals no authentic self.
Simple as that.
I’ve been around the world. Life is tough everywhere. But there’s a lot of places where despite all the hardship, people still love themselves.
Through high self esteem a person finds their authentic self.
For you will ultimately love only what is right about yourself.
Hey there HF…I agree that Ireland (I presume you meant Ireland) has come through an era where our people were ego-bashed by religious authority and taught from the cradle that being yourself is to be resisted at all costs…remember the ‘original sin’ issue! It’s actually criminal when you think about it…they stole the spiritual freedom of generations by a reign of psychological terror. Now look what you’ve done…you’ve started me ranting!
However I believe that day is well and truly over now and many people have reclaimed their authenticity and spirituality.There’s no doubt that the more comfortable and confident that we are with our inner selves then the more authentic we can be! Thanks for a ahem…stimulating comment HF! 
Hi Rosemary,
What a great question and yes I do think we (read I) are often afraid of letting our authentic self shine in the world often only because of FEAR! Which is crazy as we know
looking forward to getting to know you- have we connected on Facebook?
Hi Suzie, I know it IS crazy and you know what…the worst part of it is that it’s probably fear of ourselves (read myself!)
It’s great to see you here and yes I linked on facebook last night I think, so lets keep in touch. BTW Best of luck with Oprah…!
Hi Rosemary,
Looks like you upgraded to Thesis Theme. I use this as well. Off topic but I had to make mention.
Have a good weekend.
Hi JK, I upgraded recently but I still have to design my site so it’s all a bit drab at the moment. I’m hoping to sort it out over the weekend. I must pop over again to have a look at how you did yours. Have a great weekend you too!
Hi Rosemary
I told you that I would Sign up! even if it take a few months. Great post i will def be reading more of them to come and will be over to yours to have a cup of tea whilst talking over them!
Joshua…you are truly a man of your word and it’s wonderful to see you here! I’m so looking forward to seeing you and all the gang over Christmas in the ‘real’ world too…and to hearing how you are all getting on out there in world of college! The kettle is on…
Hi Rosemary,
Great post on a very important topic. I’m a sloooow learner! I started my spiritual journey in my teens. It took me over 20 years to accept who I really was. The funny thing was though that, just as you point out in your post, all the signs were there from childhood. I was psychic, reading tarot and doing astrology charts from childhood – who the heck ever heard of a 12 year old astrologer?
Somehow as I went through school I allowed society to convince me that my authentic self wasn’t enough. I had to become this big time financier and acquire all kind of “stuff” to prove my worth – while the whole time I was dieing inside. I finally got it in my 40s – after reading piles and piles of books on finding your passion – that I’d known what my passion was all along and surpressed it!
So, now I am authentically me – I’m out of the closet so to speak. I’m one of those freaky people that sees things, and hears things – that I used to distance myself from.
“WHAT WILL IT PROFIT A MAN IF HE GAINS THE WHOLE WORLD BUT LOSES HIS OWN SOUL?”
– Matt. 16:24-28
Thanks for getting the word out about the most important thing you can do in your life – release your true self out in the world to shine~!
Hey Angela, I’m sooo happy that you came out of the closet to bring your wonderful psychic intuition to the world. You know, I did the same thing as you…I always wanted to be a writer but I ended up in the ‘big job in the bank’ trap too. Although I got back into writing when I was at home with small kids I have to admit that I am still shying away from writing fiction which was always my true love. So at some level I’m still afraid of my authentic self…! That’s a great Biblical quote too…funny the way those words mean so little when we are younger. We really do need to walk the walk to learn stuff in this life! Thank you so much for visiting Angela…so lovely to see you here.
The mere fact of being is so wonderful. And we go ahead and spoil it by trying to be “something.”
You are so right. The Creator creates a masterpiece and what do we go and do…add some goddammed essence of human into the mix and spoil it all! Thanks for dropping in NP…it’s always lovely to see you here. I’ve just been over at yours and LOVE your latest list.
I love your thoughts on this, the photos and Allen Cohen. I read his first book like 25+ years ago. One think I do to help me st ay on track is to make my “to be” list before my “to do” list. And if I can’t be peaceful and centered it makes to no sense to do anything until I am. On a side note one major thing I’m doing in 2011 is not purchasing new clothes. Leo gets his from Goodwill and owns very few. I’m like that idea and am going to experiment with it.
Hi Tess, I’m delighted to see you here! What a brilliant idea that is ‘making your “to be” list more important than your “to do” list. I’m going to start that straight away and maybe I will focus more on what’s vitally important in life. I also like your idea about buying no clothes. Sometimes when I look in my wardrobe I feel overwhelmed by what’s in it…and I don’t wear one-tenth of my gear. So that’s it minimalism and frugality here I come for ’11. Thanks Tess for dropping by with some great ideas.
Our authentic self comes from doing what’s naturally resonates with who we are. Another way to find our authentic self is to meditate. You can never beat a nice mediation session. It release stress and allows us to open our hearts to all those who we used to despise. Great Post Rosemary.
Hey Jonathan…thanks for dropping by…again! Yeh…I get it! It’s time for me to start posting again when my friends comment twice on the same post. ;D
I’m revamping my site at the moment and changing direction a little, but speed and frequency of posting a lot! Your support is always very welcome my talented friend!
I love your message, Rosemary. Most people have learned to bury the Authentic-Self deep inside as we become indoctrinated by the World Voice. We must learn how to replace the feeling of “I have something to hide about myself” with “I have something to discover about myself.” We all yearn to experience the Authentic-Self in all of it’s glory.
Hey Rob…I’m so happy to welcome you here! I agree that we all bury a certain amount of ourselves deep inside…until we learn that it’s safe to pop our head above the parapet for a peep at the ‘real’ world (whatever or wherever that may be!). Being a bit ‘offbeat’ from birth I never really got tuned into the World Voice but I have still managed to spend a lot of time in hiding nonetheless! So for 2011, I am resolving to come out of ‘my head’, to ONLY speak loud and clearly and ONLY from the soul. Thanks for your timely arrival with your world of wisdom Rob.
Great post! Authenticity, yes, that’s what it’s all about. We need to be in alignment with who we really are deep down, like when we were children as you say, before we were inundated with so much external “stuff.” When we’re authentic, in alignment, we shine and also provide the most benefit to those around us. A virtuous circle!
Glad to have found your site
Hey Christina…delighted that you found my site and also that I have now found yours too. I just visited and loved all your travel information. One of my greatests dreams is to travel and experience as much nature and authenticity as possible for the rest of my life. Well done to you for getting out there and doing it. Thanks for dropping by and I will be watching out for you around the blogosphere!
Hi Rosemary,
I love to network, so finding your blog as a result of your comments somewhere is not surprise. I like what you have written here. I recognise how lost I have been in the past. Learning to trust in my gut feeling has been quite a journey.
Loss of identity in the way you describe it is the source of lost confidence and self esteem. It’s also a result of being emotionally trapped and controlled. Learning how to break out from that is one of the most liberating of experiences. I don’t claim to be fully there yet, but I feel I’ve made tremendous progress in the last year.
Delighted you networked your way to Offbeat Woman Marty. You’ve come at a good time. I’m in the process of revamping my website and will be launching officially…which really means ‘with all guns blasting’ this month. Looking forward to seeing you around and thanks for your visit.
I feel self-enquiry is THE enquiry to master in life. The self, when known and accepted, is a relaxed and loving soul. Children would benefit beyond belief with knowing their true self, but what hope have they in schools? These establishments prepare them for adult life via informational learning and regurgitation and never allow enough or any free expression or inner awareness. They produce zombies not free spirits and that saddens me every single day. We are and should be free to be from childhood up.
Hey John, ~What a great idea…if only schools taught our children, first of all to find out ‘who they are’ and secondly how to believe in that person, then they would be in prime position to live an authentic life; at one with the world but more importantly with themselves!
Good to see you back in the ‘sphere’ after your long absence over Christmas, John. I was getting worried that you had eloped ;D Thanks for dropping by…BTW you will have noticed that Offbeat Woman is in the process of being revamped so ‘watch this space’ for a whole new brand of Offbeat energy very soon!